An Open Letter to Little League parents and Coaches

Dear Little League Parents and Coaches,

This is my third year as a baseball mama so I now consider myself an expert on the dos and don’ts around the field. Here are ten tips to get you through the season….

1.  Don’t buy your son an extra small pair of baseball pants while buying an extra large cup. He should never look as though he could leave a game and head straight to a Magic Mike audition.

2.  Come to the fields comfortably dressed. Your hot pants and stilettos are lovely and I’m quite certain you are getting plenty of stares, but when you fall and get stuck between the bleachers you may have wished for a nice pair of yoga pants. I truly thought they were going to have to get the jaws of life out there one night.

3.  Get your little girls out on that field. Nothing is cuter than a tiny girl in a baseball uniform with a pink helmet, cleats, and bat crush one past the boys and round the bases!

4.  I would not recommend brokering real estate deals while on the toilet behind the concession stand. Props to you for being there for your kid when you are clearly busy, but the noises coming from your stall were enough to ruin even the best deal.

5.  Team moms who provide gluten free, dairy free, GMO free organic snacks and fresh fruit to the team are great. Team moms who forgot it was their night and quickly stopped by 7-11 and grabbed a dozen donuts and a twelve pack of Sprite are just as great.

6.  No disrespect to Tom Hanks…but there is crying in baseball. A lot of crying. One night a pitcher hit a batter extremely hard. While the batter was wailing in pain the pitcher began to cry uncontrollably because he felt so bad that he had hurt him. There was at least a fifteen minute delay of game while everyone got their tears dried.

7.  Umpires will call a time out if the entire outfield is doing the “I have to potty” dance.

8.  Being a coach does not give you the right to trash talk the other team. I may be short, overweight, and wearing a dress but if you trash talk my kid I’m scaling that fence.

9.  As much as you would like to think your cutie pie is a phenom bound for the Major Leagues, yelling at him throughout the entire game about how and where to stand while miming the perfect batting stance from the bleachers probably won’t add too many points to his draft number.

10. There is nothing like sitting on the bleachers surrounded by new friends all cheering for your child as they make their first out, score their first run, or help lead their team to victory.

Play ball!!